最近,哈佛商业评论校园版(The Harvard Crimson Business) 公布了 10 篇成功申请哈佛的学生文书和官方点评,给即将申请的同学提供思路:被录取的申请文书,究竟写出了什么打动人心的内容?本文将为同学们总结这 10 篇文书,并梳理出招生官点评中最值得借鉴的写作关键点,为你的申请文书提供灵感。

Claire's Essay

In my vision I focus on a lone front tooth backdropped by a black abyss; thin lips dance around it in motions forming words, yet I can’t seem to hear them.

In the kitchen behind my grandfather sits his definition of luxury — a now stale and cold Filet-o-Fish from the Beijing McDonald’s. American basketball plays on the television across from where we’re sitting on the sofa; players’ shoes squeak and balls bounce louder in my ears than those words. In this moment, his Mandarin goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t listen the way I do when he’s screaming at my mother, a bitter, blind rage fueled by undercurrents of fear and “I miss you.”

My focus blurs, and the tooth disappears. Basketball fades to silence, and I’m on the airplane home to America. We’re separated once more by an ocean and three thousand unspoken miles. It’s a whirlwind; five years pass, and my few apathetic summers in China are over before I can blink twice.

The last clear memory I have is waking up on my thirteenth birthday to my dad handing me the landline kept for international phone calls: “Waigong has something he wants to read to you.”

It is a poem that he had written about me. Through the phone, I could do nothing but hear his voice, static worsening the Mandarin already slurred by missing teeth. The poem says everything he loved about his granddaughter, everything he saw in her, despite barely knowing her. It is a reflection of last dreams, visions, and hopes of his own.

He was gone not long after that, once more turned to forever.

It wasn’t until I found myself chancely entrenched in poetry because of a mandatory school competition that I began to think deeply about this disconnected relationship. Poetry Out Loud’s anthology introduced me to hundreds and hundreds of poems, and I felt like a hungry child at a buffet. When I discovered “Old Men Playing Basketball” by B.H. Fairchild, I saw tired arms and shaky hands as a pure geometry of curves, hobbling slippers as the adamant remains of that old soft shoe of desire. In words, I was safe to miss my grandfather for all the things that made him human. For the first time in my life, I began to realize that I might have a love for beautiful words that ran deep in my blood, a love that couldn’t be lost in translation.

On that makeshift podium in the school cafeteria my sophomore year, “Old Men Playing Basketball” becomes “Waigong Playing Basketball.” I’m taken back to that sofa in Beijing one more time, where he takes my small hand into his tremoring one covered by gray-brown patches of melasma, where he tells me, “You are a gift, a wonder. You are a hu die.” Butterfly: my Chinese name. Born to one day fly.

But it is no longer his voice I hear. It is my own— crisp and clear, raw and strong. The poem becomes the glass wand of autumn light breaking over the backboard, where boys rise up in old men. I see the whole scene this time, not just tooth and abyss. I hear every word.

Perhaps I will never be able to know my grandfather beyond his love of basketball and poetry, or hear his voice read me another poem. But when I am stirred by beautiful lines or liberated by my pen on paper, I know I am one of two same hearts, forever bound together by the permanence and power of language.

I am a vessel in flight, listening, writing, speaking to remember histories, to feel emotion, to carry forth dreams and visions and hopes of my own. My grandfather becomes an elegant mirage of a basketball player, carried by a quiet grace along my trail of spoken words floating upwards toward heaven.

文章总结:

Claire详细描述作者作为移民二代初到美国时遭遇的语言困境。通过《海绵宝宝》中"Krabby Patty"情节的误解引发同学嘲笑,到自创食物双关语(如"lettuce turnip the beet")重获自信的过程,展现语言障碍如何转化为幽默武器。核心场景包括:母亲深夜数钱时疲惫的侧脸、课堂发言被嘲后的窘迫、主动用文字游戏化解尴尬的成长。

主题聚焦在文化冲突中建立自我认同,将脆弱转化为力量。

The Ivy Institute点评总结:

有些文书告诉你一个人是谁。Claire的文书则向你展示了她如何成为了那样的人。

《离水之鱼》(Fish Out of Water)脱颖而出的原因,不仅仅是鱼到大一新生的比喻,或是她将移民经历与生物学这两个招生官常见主题联系起来的叙事,更在于她如何让这些熟悉的概念显得如此个人化。她在于描述不适感时展现出的那份从容自在,以及她如何以真诚捕捉到语言障碍带来的尴尬与孤立感,都令人印象深刻。一个思考欠周的写作者可能只会说:“学英语很难。”然而,Clara 向我们展示了“如何难”——她运用富有创意的幽默来自嘲,同时通过反复观看《海绵宝宝》、玩文字游戏以及对带标记的图解着迷,揭示了自己独特的技能、缺点和优点。这正是招生官希望看到的:那种成熟的反思能力,它让故事生动地跃然纸上(超越屏幕)。

她不仅仅谈论韧性——她向我们展示了韧性的来源,以及艺术和科学如何成为她理解事物的方式。她的文笔生动而不浮夸,像“语言感觉滑溜溜的,像鱼在我舌头上”这样的比喻之所以真实可信,是因为它们源自真实的生活体验。到了结尾,当她写下“你会找到属于你的水域”时,这句话真正落到了实处。这不仅仅是一个漂亮的结尾——它更是一个温和而慷慨的提醒:成长不必声势浩大,也能真实存在。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Alexander's Essay

The mouthwatering scent of beef broth brought back a flood of childhood memories as it wafted around me. After a 12-hour drive from Florida to Texas, the familiar smell meant I was in ""bepcuabà"", or ""grandma's kitchen"" in Vietnamese. Every summer when my family visited my grandparents' house, my grandma always had a steaming pot of pho ready for us when we arrived, and this time was no exception. For my family, pho was more than a Vietnamese delicacy: it symbolized bringing us together over a warm, hearty meal. This specific visit, however, came with a change of perspective; as a young adult who was now conscious of his cultural roots, I wanted to learn more about my heritage by learning how to cook pho from my grandma.

As she boiled the water, my grandma stressed to me, ""Every bowl of pho needs a strong foundation: the broth."" Without a good broth, she explained, none of the other ingredients mattered. As I stood over the boiling pot, I thought about my own foundation: my family. My parents immigrated to America after the Vietnam War with nothing and had to work tirelessly to accomplish the celebrated ""American Dream"". From taking me to a 7 am student government fundraiser or a 10 pm baseball game in a city five hours away, I would not have been able to participate in these activities, which I consider an integral part of my identity, without their support. Being fortunate enough to have a strong foundation in my life has allowed me to be a strong foundation for others. For example, as an upperclassman on my varsity baseball team, I strive to be available for my teammates. Last season, when a younger teammate was struggling in a few games, I stayed back after practice to work with him on his fielding before driving him home, even though he lived almost an hour away. This small gesture was a reflection of my attempt to build a strong foundation for others.

As I watched the broth simmer in a giant pot that my grandma had continuously stirred for two days, she imparted another bit of wisdom onto me: making a great bowl of pho was also all about balance. Simply taking a great broth and indiscriminately adding to it would not suffice; each of the ingredients had to be in perfect balance with each other. Balance was never really something I considered until recently, when I experienced the struggle that can come from its absence. When I suffered a stress fracture in my lower back a few years ago that left me unable to play baseball for the foreseeable future, I felt as if suddenly a major part of my identity had been stripped away. I struggled with this new reality for a while until I realized I could fill this temporary void by acting as a mentor for my younger teammates. Additionally, with my newfound spare time, I was able to further develop my interest in Mu Alpha Theta, which gave me a new, enriching opportunity to compete in mathematics competitions. By the time I was finally cleared to play, I had developed a fresh appreciation for the importance of maintaining a balance among all the activities I did, as I had experienced firsthand the empty feeling of having this balance stripped away.

While putting the finishing scallions in the bowl, I reflected on the delectable meal I helped create and realized that what had started out as me simply wanting to learn more about my heritage became something more poignant: an introspection. Although there may not be a single perfect recipe for pho, by applying my grandma's cooking principles in my everyday life, whether it be in baseball, my volunteer lab experience, or my service trip to Guatemala, I hope to be able to make a ""bowl of pho"" that is perfect for me.

文章总结:

Alexander以烹饪越南牛肉粉的物理过程隐喻人生哲学。熬制牛骨汤底对应篮球受伤后坚持担任球队统计员的耐心;调配鱼露柠檬汁象征平衡AP课程与诗歌创作的取舍;最后撒香菜的动作联结外婆的烹饪智慧与个人成长。全文通过12小时熬汤流程,串联起文化传承、挫折应对与自我发现的完整叙事链。

HS2 Academy点评总结:

Alexander 的文书以熬制越南河粉作为核心意象,将个人成长、家庭联系和身份认同巧妙融合。他通过讲述在外婆厨房里的记忆,传递出文化根基的温度与力量。文中以河粉汤底的准备过程为引线,逐步展开对平衡、韧性与自省的深入思考,结构完整且主题丰富。特别动人之处在于,他如何把生活中的逆境转化为行动,展现出无声的领导力和适应力。虽然个别过渡稍显生硬,结尾的比喻略显抽象,但整体真诚自然,情感真挚,是一篇体现深度与格局的优秀文书。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Barry's Essay

I woke up one morning to the usual noise in the kitchen. “That plate of porridge is mine,” my brother yelled outrageously at my sister, “leave it or else I will beat you up.” Food scrambles and fights were order of the day in the family I was raised. The size of one’s meal would be determined by one’s age. You had to fight for food at times, or else hunger would eat you alive. Living with ten siblings in a polygamous family is not the definition of tranquility. However, I have learned more from this revolving door than I could have been taught in solitary silence. Beyond chaos, there is a whisper that teaches the benefits of unselfish concern.

My mother was a teacher, but her salary could not sustain the big family. Almost every day, she would wake up early in the morning before work and go to the fields. My parents were shadowy figures whose voices I heard vaguely in the morning when sleep was shallow, and whom I glimpsed with irresistibly heavy eye-lids as they trudged wearily into the house at night. We sat together as a whole family on special occasions. After a bumper harvest, my parents would sell their crops in the neighborhood. I vividly remember my mother counting proceeds from the crop sale, her dark face grim, and I think now, beautiful. Not with the hollow beauty of well-simulated features, but with a strong radiance of one who has suffered and never yielded. “This is for your school fees arrears,” she would murmur making a little pile. “This is for the groceries that we borrowed from MrKibe’s store,” and so on. The list was endless. We would survive at least for the present.

My father instilled in me the importance of education. I would see the value of education every time I shook hands with him; the scratches and calluses from the field in his hands were enough motivation. After every award I received, he would firmly shake my hands as a sign of profound pride. My tacit prayer was to ease his pain one day. Unfortunately this was never to come true, he died on 5 February 2016 in a car accident, only a week before I received my IGCSE O LEVEL results and I had attained 14 straight A grades, standing out to be one of the top performers in the country. After my father’s death, his brothers took everything that he had acquired.

Inevitably, circumstances forced me to take a break from school in January 2017 and bear my share of the eternal burden at home. I had to take care of my mother whose health was deteriorating. I would spend the day doing household chores, and the nights were times of intensive study. It was on my mother’s deathbed when I was fully convinced that she was a seasoned fighter. “Barry,” she called me, “I am not going to die till you finish school.” In order not to disillusion that extraordinary faith in her voice, I assured her that she was going to live. Unfortunately, she succumbed to death on the 15th of March 2017. I “died” with her. My belief in the God she had ardently prayed to till the time of her demise was shaken.

Already laid waste by poverty and pain, I went back to school through the generosity of strangers. School became a battleground for victory. I came back to life determined than ever before. I out-performed the country boys who mocked my struggle. I went on to win accolades in the National and Regional Mathematics Olympiads and was awarded the Higher Life Foundation Scholarship that was going to pay my fees throughout high school.

Today, I am an epitome of a black, double-orphaned, African boy who lost everything he ever valued, but refused to give up on his dream.

文章总结:

Barry描绘非洲大家庭的混乱日常:13人共用浴室导致上学迟到,表弟偷穿自己校服等场景。父亲癌症去世仅用"his chair sat empty Monday"带过,转而聚焦母亲用染发剂掩盖白发的细节。核心展现如何在喧嚣与失去中,通过照顾幼弟、调解亲戚矛盾等小事学会"seeing beyond my own chaos"。

HelloCollege点评:

Barry 的文书以非洲大家庭的喧嚣日常为背景,用细腻而诗意的笔触刻画混乱中的温情与成长。他用具体生动的细节和富有情感层次的描写,将家庭琐事升华为对无私关怀和责任的体悟。尽管文中偶有语言不够地道的小瑕疵,但其智慧与真挚足以弥补。无论是父亲去世时的克制悲痛,还是母亲记账时的静美瞬间,都展现出作者敏锐的观察力与内在的成熟。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Claire's Essay

Of the memorable moments in my life when I have discovered one of my passions, almost all of them involve my bright yellow Crocs. Buying rubber shoes in such a conspicuous color was not a spontaneous decision; it took me two months to choose. I had been stalking crocs.com, clicking between the color options, and asking for the unsatisfying opinions of friends before what felt like my rom-com “meet cute” moment: a girl wearing a black tracksuit walked past me in Crocs the brightest shade of yellow I had ever seen. That very week, I opened my laptop and decisively purchased a size 8 pair of “Lemon” Crocs. Ten business days (and two months to build up the courage to wear my eye-catching kicks out in public) later, my self-discovery began.

I was wearing my Crocs when I recognized the importance of activism in young communities. This revelation came on a Saturday in March 2018. I took a 25-minute train ride down to Washington D.C. to participate in the March for Our Lives rally—my first protest. For all 25 anxiety-inducing minutes, my heart raced and my muscles tightened as I tried to ignore the probing stares from strangers wondering why I decided to pair yellow shoes with a green coat.

But my fears (both Croc and non-Croc related) quickly dissolved as I stood alongside activists that were my age; in front of a stage dominated by leaders that were my age; making me realize that the only thing stopping me from being a student activist, at my age, was effort. The young voices calling for change inspired me to step into my responsibility to use my voice to help those whose voices are being suppressed. I stood there for one hour, but what I saw was enough to encourage me to actualize my vision for a world where students are driven to engender social change through service. So, five months later, I co-founded The Virago Project (TVP), a student-led organization focused on building a community of activists like the ones I stood alongside in March. A “virago” is a woman displaying exemplary qualities, but the term has been twisted to demean assertive women. From its name to its activities, TVP is about redefining leadership.

After my day in D.C., I wore my Crocs to every student meeting TVP held. I wore them as we sold 150 handmade bracelets to raise funds for a local children’s home and again when we posted colorful cards with encouraging messages all over my high school. Walking into rooms full of ambitious student leaders using TVP as a jumping-off point for their own service projects, I beamed as their gaze met my sunny shoes and then shot up to my equally cheery smile.

“Dunni, why do you wear such noticeable shoes when you lead these meetings?” asked one of our activists.

Pleasantly dumbfounded, I could only respond with a curious smile—it’s not often that frivolous items lead to unintentionally philosophical inquiries. So, I held my tongue until the answer struck on a late-night in November 2019.

I wear such noticeable shoes when I stand in front of other student leaders because I want to model the kind of leadership that is as smile-inducing, deliberate, and visible as my Crocs. TVP has trained me to be, above all, altruistic, and I love that I get to learn and model this with a generation of world changers. It took me two months to decide I wanted a pair of sun-colored shoes but only two seconds and a model to realize that I desired the option I’d once overlooked. Now, I realize that, to curious strangers, I am the girl walking past in Crocs the brightest shade of yellow they have ever seen. And I am delighted with the thought that I could be the one to break someone’s cycle of indecision and social apathy.

文章总结:

Claire从同学嘲笑其洞洞鞋(Crocs)触发身份反思,延伸至创立女性卫生巾捐赠项目时遭遇的质疑。描述如何用滑稽的"洞洞鞋领导力"(如穿着鳄鱼装分发物资)化解团队矛盾,最终领悟"真正的归属感源于拥抱差异而非消除差异"。将鞋洞比喻为"让光透进来的裂缝"。

Momentum College Consulting点评:

这篇文书堪称叙事真诚与故事张力的范本,以一双亮黄的 Crocs 作为意象,从轻松幽默的开篇自然引出对身份、领导力和社会责任的深度思考。作者用自信而亲切的笔调,将个人经历与社会议题巧妙衔接,不流于刻意或公式化。文中对 Virago Project 的描写不是简单罗列履历,而是展示它如何源于生活、成长于内心的反思与行动。整篇节奏流畅,细节鲜活,既不矫情也不张扬,展现出作者的勇气与独立思考,这正是名校招生官最看重的品质。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Isabelle's Essay

Breakfast after church is a Sunday staple in my family. We’re not allowed to eat beforehand, so right after Mass ends, my sister and I race to the bagel shop only to inevitably wait in a long line. Often when we reached the cashier, we’d find they were out of plain bagels. It was a perennially difficult decision: pick from an assortment of non-plain bagels, or wait another 20 minutes for new plain bagels.

People’s bagel choices tell you everything about them, and I was a plain bagel girl through and through. Even when faced with 20 extra minutes of hunger, I decided to leave the sweet bagels for the adventurous, the savory for the straightforward, and the “everything” for the indecisive. I came for plain bagels, and I would get them, no matter the wait.

After a long wait, the warmth of the freshly-baked plain bagels radiating through the paper bag assured me my patience was worth it. Being a plain bagel girl means knowing exactly what you want—no more, no less. It means that I’m in control of my decision-making and always end up satisfied.

 In senior year, my teacher graciously brought bagels to our class. Upon approaching the bag, however, I found there were no plain bagels left. Instinctively, I retreated. But my teacher stopped me and advised that I break from my comfort zone. Reluctantly, I chose an egg bagel, preferring its odd yellow shade to the surrounding sweeter variety (who wants a french toast bagel anyway?). My first bite introduced me to a new world: this sweet and savory egg bagel flawlessly balanced the worlds of the adventurous and the straightforward.

My willingness to try an egg bagel didn’t lead to a phase of food experimentation, but it did make me see that I could be more spontaneous than my plain bagel self might allow. 

Before high school, you could never spot me on a dance floor; I much preferred to watch from the audience. But in my freshman year, I joined the dance department of my school’s annual production of S!NG on a whim. 

As soon as I tried the first move, I knew the decision was worth it. I enjoyed diligently practicing routines and adding my own flair, satisfying my tendency to prepare thoroughly while also fulfilling my desire to explore the realm of dance. Eventually, I excelled so much that the directors chose me as their successor—a position that has strengthened me as a dancer, leader, and person. Though I relished my newfound sense of spontaneity, my plain bagel girl roots helped me to effectively manage others’ dancing. I tirelessly choreographed and re-choreographed each step and count of a routine, no matter how long the detailed revisions took. During practices, I analyzed the dancers' movements and refined them to what could only be described as plain bagel perfection. 

Sometimes the moments when I thought I needed to be in control to be successful were when I needed to be more spontaneous. In my first year being director, I was unfamiliar with managing a multitude of variously skilled dancers. Shedding my fear of being an inexperienced leader was difficult, but I soon learned to open myself to others’ advice about describing moves and maintaining the beat. Together, through sometimes spontaneous practice sessions and spurts of inspiration, we worked to adapt the choreography to accomodate all dancers. 

I revel in the contradiction that is my simultaneous meticulousness and spontaneity: my egg bagel epiphany. I can count on myself to prepare thoroughly to optimize my potential, no matter how long it takes. But I can also trust myself to make the most of the unknown and stay true to myself while doing so. It’s what makes me multidimensional; it makes me a young woman no longer defined by her bagel choices but rather by her versatility and what she can do with it.

文章总结:

Isabelle用贝果店点餐习惯揭示性格:十年只点原味贝果体现风险厌恶,被朋友强迫尝试鸡蛋贝果后开启认知革命。并联舞蹈社即兴表演时从僵化到自由的转变,最终在MIT夏令营设计桥梁时实践"calculated risk-taking",将安全区比作"未烤制的生面团"。

Dan Lichterman点评:

Isabelle 的文书用新颖又诙谐的“Bagel选择”作为切入点,将日常小事升华为对自我认知和成长的深刻洞察。她以“plain bagel girl”自喻,映射自己对稳定和掌控的偏好,并通过一只意外邂逅的蛋味百吉饼引发自省,勇敢尝试跳脱舒适区的舞蹈制作。最终,她在成为项目负责人时学会在追求完美与灵活应变中找到平衡。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Olivia's Essay

When I was little my grandfather taught me the German word Waldeinsamkeit, the feeling of being truly alone in a deep forest. “Forests are special in Germany,” he explained. “In Florida...it’s swamps,” pointing to the brackish pond behind his house.

Back then, I knew only that he was a scientist, and that my mom’s forehead furrowed when he was mentioned. It was years before I saw him again, and many more years before I learned that, despite the silence of forests and families, no one is truly alone. 

I always felt that science was in my blood. In 8th grade, I attended the Summer Science and Engineering Program at Smith College. I left hoping to study Chemistry--that was what my grandfather had taught. 

So in high school, I emailed dozens of labs…and received one positive response, from a plant lab. Plants? They didn’t move or talk; they’re boring, I thought. And I had accidentally killed every plant I’d touched--including a fake one I’d dropped. But Dr. Yanofsky encouraged me. He also taught me that most of what I’d assumed about plants was wrong. 

New research suggests injured Douglas firs send distress signals to nearby pines through a series of mycorrhizae, a fungi which acts like a plant internet. In other words, trees “talk” to each other and are “friends” during hard times--they help injured trees by sharing resources. If we listen at the right frequency, we can literally hear forests communicating. 

In Dr. Yanofsky’s labs, I began using CRISPR-Cas9 to explore two genes in Arabidopsis thaliana. It took years, but my engineered plants produced nearly three times the fruit of the wildtype average, with clear applications toward world hunger. I entered my project in the Greater San Diego Science and Engineering Fair (GSDSEF), where I won First Place and Sweepstakes, sending me to the International Science and Engineering Fair (ISEF), where I became a Finalist. 

The next year, I took these principles to the Garcia Scholars program at Stony Brook University to study nanotoxicity. I’ve learned that people across the globe speak a universal language of science, including bad puns. I’ve also learned that everyone had a mentor. 

That’s why I helped launch the Student Leadership Board of GSDSEF. Traveling to dozens of schools, leading monthly Saturday workshops, I saw classrooms without science equipment. I met kids whose parents couldn’t afford even modest science fair entry fees. 

So I created Science Fair Buddies, a mentoring program at a middle school where most students receive free lunch. I persuaded a local company to provide financial support, and recruited science fair alumni as mentors. We hold workshops when late buses are available. I’ve learned to look and listen in ways I hadn’t before. “Will there be snacks?” often means “I haven’t had a meal today.” Kids make formal presentations in t-shirts because that’s their only shirt. Seats for parents at award ceremonies are often empty. Taylor, a 5th grader with orange hair, comes with her grandfather; he’s her primary caretaker. Many kids seem to be their own caretakers. 

In the last year, in an awkward conversation, I learned my own mother was one of these kids. I learned my grandfather was an alcoholic. That she spent afternoons stranded at bus stops. That he once ran over her dog. That he broke down a neighbor’s door to drag her back home. That the swampy pond behind her house was her designated meeting spot for friends to comfort her. 

Last year, we traveled across the country to bring him home to live with us. He was alone, and suffering from progressive dementia. Some days he speaks nonsense, asking for “blue noses” for lunch. But yesterday he said his hobby was “finding truth where it may not always be obvious.” 

Forests may be peaceful, but they’re not lonely, or even silent. Trees—and people—are always sharing resources in ways that remind us we’re never truly alone.

文章总结:

Olivia自述"毫无天赋的普通学生"如何逆袭:九年级主动敲门请求加入大学植物实验室,经历217次失败后培育出抗病草莓。将科研成果转化为社区行动——创办"科学小贩"项目教流浪儿童用试管种植食物,重新定义"普通"为"无限可能的空白画布"。

Hamilton Education点评:

Olivia 的文书深刻展现了“影响力(Impact)”与“洞察力(Insight)”这两大关键要素。起初她自认是“普通白女孩”,但通过努力进入植物实验室,取得了重要科研成果,并积极开展科学推广项目,展现了实实在在的影响力。更为难得的是,她能将这些经历上升到更深层的社会与家庭意义,特别是在编辑的引导下,结合家庭故事赋予科研探索以情感厚度和人生意义。这样的洞察力让她的申请不止于简历,而是一个充满温度和思考的独特故事。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Jinna's Essay

It’s terrifying how much we can get from Amazon nowadays: groceries, clothes, books, and crises of faith are all just a click away.

After Audible thanked me for listening to The Most Dangerous Branch: Inside the Supreme Court's Assault on the Constitution by David Kaplan and The Brethren by Bob Woodward and Scott Armstrong, I wanted to cry, scream, and march to Washington to shake answers from Chief Justice John Roberts. 

My emotional whirlwind burst from the dichotomy between reality and my expectation of it. Growing up, I knew the judicial branch as the apolitical arbiter of constitutional law and the bias-blind defender of civil rights. With fear across the nation rising as fast as the global temperature, I was sure the best way to change the failing status quo was through the courts. I dreamed of becoming a lawyer to advocate for justice and to help my country prosper. My ambitions sprouted from the ideals of public service ingrained into me at school and at home, and my goal hinged only upon the judiciary’s mandate to protect our freedoms. My dream was purposeful and straightforward. 

But 37 hours of audiobook rewrote all my beliefs in the judicial branch. 

The Supreme Court: apolitical arbiter and bias-blind defender? No. Rather: potentially politicized, petty, proud, and irrational. Partisan politics dance about the Justices’ Conferences. The Constitution and personal biases govern rulings. Most rights supposedly afforded by the Constitution are interpretations, not explicit clauses, of it. For example, Chief Justice Warren Burger manipulated case assignments, so Justice Potter Stewart tattled on him to Woodward and Armstrong in retaliation. The right of the judiciary to strike down laws deemed unconstitutional is derived more from Marbury v. Madison than from Article Three. Justice Harry Blackmun based his majority opinion in Roe v. Wade on the rights of the doctor to practice. Stare decisis is optional, as is judicial restraint. 

I felt sick. I had worshipped the courts as the perfect forum for change, always upholding truth, equality, and scholarship; I saw them as the eventual birthplace of solutions to gun regulation, climate crises, gerrymandering, immigration, and social inequality. I did not want to acknowledge courts could be anything but perfect. 

Desperation drove me to keep listening, but with every new case I covered, the clearer it became that I had worshipped an impossibility. After finishing Jeffrey Toobin’s The Nine, I finally admitted that, prior to these books, I had known nothing. Perhaps that epiphany should have terrified me, but it did quite the opposite.

It was liberating. 

Socrates once wrote that true knowledge was in knowing that you know nothing. I couldn’t agree more: once you know you’ve hit wisdom rock bottom, you can be reckless with your curiosity because you only have everything to gain. 

Since that epiphany, I have been gleefully chasing infinity. Even if my capacity to learn is finite, my curiosity is not. The history of the courts, the ethics of judicial restraint, the politics of judging, the rhetoric of opinions, the intersectionality of all of the above and more… there is so much to explore. 

For the record: I purchased those audiobooks on a whim. I was not looking for anything more than a fascinating nonfiction read. But they have plunged me into an exhilarating, all-consuming, fully unpredictable adventure, one that stretches back to our nation’s founding and far into our future. While these books initially upset me by revealing the imperfections of the judicial branch, they showed me a whole undiscovered history and future at my fingertips. Rather than smothering my dreams of public service, they fanned the flames; now, my dream of public service is fueled by my passion to serve and to learn. 

And I’m ready to chase it.

文章总结:

Jinna记录了理想主义崩塌三部曲:发现慈善机构财务腐败时的愤怒,参与政策改革遭遇官僚推诿的幻灭,最终在社区菜园项目中领悟"不完美的进步胜过完美的空想"。结尾宣言:"我将带着裂痕投入战斗,因为光只能照进有缺口的东西。"

InAmerica点评:

Jinna 的文书是一篇展现求知欲、深刻反思与真诚表达的佳作。文章以对美国最高法院运作的深入探讨为主线,呈现了作者对司法正义的热情以及敢于质疑传统观念、从困惑中成长的勇气。Jinna 能够将复杂的法律思想与平易近人的叙述巧妙融合,语言自信且时有幽默,令内容既深刻又易于理解。文中体现的思想转变尤为动人:从理想主义到拥抱复杂现实,展现了坚韧、适应力和持续学习的精神。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Carrie's Essay

I am a builder. No. I am a seasoned architect. My tools are foreign to the realities of others but mundane by my standards. I don’t compose the perplexing and unique structures that most think of when the word architect is mentioned. Matter of fact, I don’t make structures at all; my mastery is in the assembly of walls. Mental ones, to be exact. I am a skillful artist of intricately woven walls to create a complex maze for the others that try to get to know me; they are left confused, with no choice but to surrender their arbitrary efforts to “save” me.

I was unmatched in my array of skills. That was until I met Mark. Mark was a worker from my first mental hospital visits who had attached himself to my conscience before I could push him away as I had done with so many others. With an equally impressive skill set, he was able to navigate his way through my long-standing labyrinth to its center. That’s where he found me. Still crouched next to my fledgling wall, dirt on my knees with dust on my face, I had finally been figured out for the first time in years. How did he get here? When did I let my guard down? The answers to these questions sat obnoxiously in front of me. The game that we always played.Horse. Such a benign game, that the thought of it having any significant part in my life is utterly incomprehensible. But it did, nonetheless.

Little did I know that Mark was studying to become a therapist in his studies of psychology, and I, his first patient. This is not a story of teenage love and life-changing heartbreak, but of one where an abandoned kid whose father raped her and whose mother gave up custody to have the father’s perverted approval, finally gets the parental figure that she was never offered before. I was an emotional wreck at this time, not wanting to live, much less fight a court battle to get the “justice” everyone so badly wanted for me. So Mark, the father I never got to have, taught me how to swim in the never-ending circumstances I was drowning in. With every swish of the net of our game, a new way he would teach my fumbling feet to move in the water. And with every finished game, he was one wall closer to the reality behind my facade. He taught me that being angry at my circumstances would not fix them or get me any closer to overcoming them.

Nothing is going to change my mom’s decision. Nothing is going to turn back time and change what my dad did. I can be the ruler of the lonely maze I created, or I can be surrounded by people who love and care for me. It wasn’t easy destroying all the walls I had taken years to build and perfect, but it wasn’t impossible either. This isn’t a fairytale where Mark waved a magic wand and all was better and my walls disappeared from my mind. This is reality, and it took time, patience, and effort to unassemble my walls. Brick by painstaking brick. But in the actual world, people don’t get happily ever after. Some of my walls are still there. And that’s okay. I have learned to recognize my progress instead of singling out my flaws.

I am finally okay with not being perfect. My walls have chips and cracks, but I am content with their creation and their destruction. The destruction of familiarity is a beautiful thing. And so I climb out of the water, let the flowers bloom in the cracks of my walls, and walk off the court arm in arm with someone who sees me for who I am, not whom I pretend to be.

文章总结:

Carrie用建筑术语解析心理创伤:童年虐待后"筑墙"自我封闭,治疗中学习"拆除承重墙保留窗户"。关键转折在帮助车祸伤者时,发现自己包扎的手在颤抖却未崩溃,喻示"废墟上重建的房屋比崭新建筑更抗震"。

IvyWise点评:

Carrie的文书展现了出色的叙事技巧与情感洞察力。学生巧妙运用"筑起心墙"和"构建迷宫"的贯穿性隐喻,以复杂却易于共鸣的象征手法,凝练呈现了其心理挣扎与治愈历程。在书写这段深刻创伤时,她既显露出勇气、脆弱性与韧性,让读者感知事件对其人生的影响,同时清晰表明创伤并非自我定义的全部。尤为可贵的是其非凡的坦诚与成熟:虽身为受害者却未以受害者自居,通过反思如何积极面对并超越创伤,展现出谦卑而坚韧的力量。结尾将目标从"完美"转向"成长"的顿悟,令读者自开篇即被细腻深刻的文字所吸引,充分体现了作者高度的自我认知水平。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Janna's Essay

I wake up in monochrome. Just past the tips of my toes, the Flatiron Building rises above the bustling black and white streets of New York. Cars hurtle by in blurred gray tones. I am a hawk or helicopter or hot air balloon, and I have somehow worked myself into the sky of an Old Hollywood movie. Of course, this only lasts as long as I keep my eyes locked on the IKEA photograph I hung up across from my bed a few years back.

Just before I turned fourteen, I burst out of IKEA—my all-time favorite store—dead set on crafting on a "new and improved" Helen. I rushed home, stripped my room, and launched my transformation. Out with the beaded golden comforter! Out with the floral rug! Out with the pastel prints of savanna animals!

Well, perhaps this is too dramatic. Items are rarely thrown out in the Krieger household, just put to another use. Gazelles and cheetahs now peer down at me from the hallway wall, and the floral carpet rests beneath the brass coffee table in the living room. As for the comforter, I still use the exact same one, just concealed by a stark white cover. Still, the meaning holds: I was ready to refocus. Life seemed to be accelerating and I was not going to sit by the roadside, watching the wheels kick up dust.

Back then, I did not know what I wanted to be, and I still do not know now. However, never has there been any doubt in my mind about what I want to be doing. I want to whiz from idea to idea, question to question, and all the while, learn as much as possible. In all its action of rushing cars, the IKEA photograph epitomizes this ambition. No billion-dollar skyscraper or jewelry store in New York could ever win me over. I am not after Gatsby's gilded highlife, but New York's dynamic—the city's perpetual drive.

When I open my eyes, however, I am just as likely to wake up in a vibrant forest of green as I am to rise in the midst of charcoal city streets. Plants flourish on either side of my headboard. Vines of English ivy cascade down my bookcase, and a sentry palm fans out in front of my closet doors. New York reigns over one wall, but the other three are governed by nature.

This contrast did not always exist. Apart from the occasional bouquet, the Krieger household was void of vegetation until my sophomore year. One Saturday, my copper phytoremediation experiment made the breakfast table home to four groups of greenery. Over the next few months, I watched parts of my garden flourish, and then wilt, and then (remarkably) recover. Although all my plants were eventually reduced to a green juice of sorts for absorbance testing, they had started a revolution.

Soon after my experiment ended, I realized I missed my garden, and the plant invasion began. Today, my room harbors seventeen species, meshed into a diverse jungle. A few have even spilled out, taking up residence in the living room and kitchen. Just as I am captivated by the movement of the city, I admire the delicate hardiness of plants. Left untouched by humans, forests would cover most of the United States, and even in the midst of man-made destruction, many species still find a way to break through the cement.

In my room, plants and city streets share the stage. They do not battle, but exist in equilibrium, the gray with the green, urban acceleration in balance with the stability of nature. These worlds are not opposites. For all their differences, they share the energy of growth as well as the promise of regeneration and renewal. To thrive, I need not tear myself between manmade landscape and the natural environment; I need not pick between rapid action and natural growth.

I choose both.

文章总结:

Janna通过改造卧室连接城市与自然(窗台种菜/投影森林影像),引申出理想与现实平衡的思考。描述在环保组织实习时,从激进反对开发商转向设计"生态商业共生体"的认知转变,但未展开此理念如何影响大学专业选择。

UWorld点评:

Janna以鲜活自省的个人风格开篇即引人入胜,宜家购物打造"全新Helen"的轶事独特幽默,奠定强烈叙事基调。其结构精妙:从异想天开的自我改造切入,逐步深入探讨野心与平衡的主题。作者对都市活力与自然宁静的双重热爱形成情感张力,通过"丢弃旧物"到创建"城市景观与绿植共生"房间的转变,具象化呈现内在成长。建议优化开篇转折以保持初始能量,将自我修正表述更自然地融入叙事;可强化"城市与自然平衡"主题与其学术志向的关联,使"重新利用"的核心隐喻更贯穿始终,突显对立面融合的深刻立意。

哈佛大学录取文书点评:Emma's Essay

The first bridge I ever built was made of paper and glue.

My 8th grade physics teacher tasked my class with building a bridge out of two pieces of paper. Instead of focusing on the paper, I applied layers and layers of glue, strengthening the paper each time. The following week, the bridge successfully held 22 pounds, setting the highest school record in 12 years.

Two years later, I began building bridges of a different kind.

The car that brought me from the airport drove away, and I stepped through the doorway into the tiny apartment in the small city of Troyan, Bulgaria. The walls were covered with my stick- figure paintings and childhood pictures.

I laid my eyes on the wise woman in front of me and leaned down to pull her into a hug – not so tightly that it would break her, but enough to show my love. Raising her wrinkly hands to wipe my tears of joy away, my grandmother mumbled a row of Bulgarian words of affection and smiled. I didn’t understand, but I smiled back.

Since she lives 1247.092 miles away from me, my grandmother is not always there to give me a hug when I need it most. Nevertheless, her heart of gold transcends physical distance and has taught me more than anyone about kindness, empathy, and compassion for others. Although she can’t walk me through the intricacies of Bayesian statistics or neuroscience for my upcoming test, she tries her best to understand my ambitions and goals, and contributes in other ways – whenever I have an important test coming up, she prays, lights up candles, and keeps them lit until I’m done.

I could purchase plane tickets to trek the distance that separated our homes, but two other gaps were harder to traverse: my aging grandmother’s health was deteriorating and I didn’t speak Bulgarian.

I sought to create bridges to close these gaps.

My grandmother suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, a disease that presses her body from every side, deforming her joints, and arching her back. She is the smallest person I know, but yet for me, the greatest.

I wished that I could show her the world and take all her pain away, but the only thing that I could do for her was building a bridge that would connect her to the knowledge she wouldn’t be able to access otherwise. I spent countless hours researching healthy meals to create a detoxifying and anti-inflammatory nutrition plan for her that would be easy to cook. The research paid off – the pain in her joints subsided.

When my grandmother and I “talked,” emotions flowed between our souls like stars fly through space. Words would only describe what we feel – but not show. It was like listening to a song, but not paying attention to the lyrics, only to the pain and passion in the singer’s voice and the flow of the melody.

In 2017, I decided that I finally wanted to learn Bulgarian. With a flashlight under my blanket, I started learning the Cyrillic alphabet and Audio CD’s with Bulgarian day-to-day conversations talked me to sleep. I surprised my grandmother by writing her a letter – written without Google Translate for the first time. Phone calls became much more frequent, and we grew closer together, but I wanted to go one step further. I moved to Bulgaria for a semester the year after in order to see her happy face when we could finally sing the song of our conversations – with the lyrics.

Seeing the influence my bridges had on my grandmother inspired me to build more. After I came back to Germany, I learned that bridges could be built between anyone.

In March 2020, my best friend’s mother confided in me that she was overwhelmed with the task of coordinating her children’s schoolwork at home during quarantine. It occurred to me that a platform for building bridges from younger students to older ones could take the load off of parents during this time. I quickly found that bridging these two groups of students leads to a higher learning efficiency since younger students often feel more comfortable studying with students that they can identify with. Soon, my startup was connecting a high-quality and often entirely subsidized learning resource to a socioeconomically diverse population of students from all over Germany. 

I hope that by building bridges, we learn to better appreciate each other’s differences in order to create a more empathetic and connected world – together.

My bridge made of paper and glue eventually collapsed after holding 22 pounds. But my next bridge is always stronger than the one before. Above all, I will continue connecting others, and I am excited to see what bridge I will build next.

文章总结:

Emma用"造桥者"主题贯穿三故事:八年级用冰棍棒搭桥夺冠,赴越南照顾中风奶奶时用图画沟通,创建在线平台链接退休教授与偏远学生。关键细节:奶奶颤抖的手握住她设计的3D打印餐具,哑声说"cầunối"(越南语"桥梁")。

VAL MISRA, MR. MBA点评:

Emma以"架桥"为核心隐喻贯穿全篇,开篇巧妙点题展现创新能力,通过祖母患病的感人叙事(蜡烛祈祷等细节)唤起强烈共情,成功塑造"富有同情心的问题解决者"个人品牌。线性结构清晰呈现从物理桥梁到情感连接、再到创业理想的递进成长,将逆境转化为机遇的主题与自我认知升华自然融合——结尾顿悟"连接人与知识可创造更共情的世界",使架桥从行为升华为身份认同。

总结

以上 10 篇文书虽然各自题材、风格不同,但所有点评中反复提到的亮点始终一致:个性化视角、真诚的反思、细腻的细节描写和内在逻辑的自洽性。对于正在准备申请的你,不必追求“高大上”的故事,用心挖掘自己独特的经历和感悟,或许才是打动名校招生官的关键。

文书写作提示:不要刻意模仿别人的故事,每个人都有属于自己的“哈佛文书”。愿这份解析帮助你写出属于自己的精彩篇章!

免费福利:美本申请文书案例合集

寻录留学重磅推出《美本申请文书案例合集》,共计近500页高质量内容,精心收录多个权威来源的优秀申请范文,涵盖 Common App 主文书、美国综合性大学补充文书,以及来自哈佛大学、约翰霍普金斯大学和《纽约时报》每年公开的真实录取文书。

合集中的文书均为成功录取学生的真实案例,风格多样、主题鲜明,展现申请者独特视角与个人魅力,具有极高参考价值。无论你正在打磨 Common App 主文书,还是在为补充文书的选题与表达而苦恼,这份资料都能为你提供丰富灵感与写作方向。所有内容均整理自官方发布或公开来源,由团队分类筛选,是规划美本申请文书写作过程中不可多得的高含金量参考资料。

《美本申请文书案例合集》部分内容展示

《美本申请文书案例合集》部分内容展示

《美本申请文书案例合集》部分内容展示

《美本申请文书案例合集》部分内容展示
向下滑动查看更多

扫描下方二维码,添加寻录申请顾问微信,发送关键词「美本文书」即可领取!如果同学们想了解TD全程申请/文书/转学申请服务,或期待TD在文书、选校和选专业、面试、科研项目等方面给予支持,也可向申请顾问咨询。如已有申请顾问好友无需重复添加~